The Qiqirn Kitchen!

One wonders why FFXIclopedia doesn’t include the Lamiae’s weakness for baked goods.

Thrust into the caves of Arrapago before the Medusa’s ritual sacrifice, the young Kukuroon did not forget his mother’s last words as she wept tears of goodbye:

“Don’t forget we looof you! If yoosh can escape, dooon’t forget us and bring back yooomy recipes and clinkclink!”.

Luckily, Kukuroon showed great proficiency as a baker– using a fire crystal he had tucked away in his clinkclink bag, he crafted enchanted Curry Buns (laced with a little Sleepga II) in the midst of his dank cell.

Throwing them into the waters of Arrapago as he escaped, the Lamia were too enraptured by the taste of Qiqirn Curry buns that they failed to notice the little Kukuroon swimming for his life….

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Many years later, Kukuroon was to be found settled in the Federation of Windurst, practicing the love of cooking while running his own little restaurant, “The Qiqirn Kitchen” in search of the ultimate Yummy.

“Three cheers for clinkclink!”

Back in Nashmau, the devastated Qiqirn were harassed by even their fellow villagers, who blamed the loss of a potential Qiqirn Karakul wool monopoly on the poor Wawaroon.

“Ooh, Urghoom is more like Urhgloom!”, she cried, retreating back into the family hut. It was not long before she drifted into a long, long sleep.

From then on, Wawaroon was haunted by nightmares of a scary woman with evil, red eyes, and she vowed never to cook professionally again. Instead, she busied herself with her children, to whom she taught the basic techniques of cooking, sniffing, and tasting…This was much to the delight of the local fast food restaurant, Tacotaru, whose franchises were fast taking over Vana’diel.

Not long after these nightmares began, there were reports of Lamiae gathering outside the outskirts of Nashmau, forcing the Qiqirn shepherds to stay indoors and freezing Nashmau’s entire economy. Looking from the top of the city walls, Wawaroon stared out into the sea of chimera before her.

The newly crowned Queen of the Chimera, Lady Medusa II, stared right back, shrieking with bloodlust.

“We smell the blood of our own upon your wretched paws! Sinner, you have desecrated the body of our sister, the great Medusa I! We demand compensation!”.

Suddenly it all made sense. The snake meat had not been snake at all! Rather, it had been the tail of a Lamia queen. Wawaroon could not forgive herself for her lapse of stupidity– only Qiqirn are left unharmed by their charms or their poisons, explaining why the Lamiae never bothered to attack Nashmau previously. A Medusa’s blood, however, was especially toxic— even after years of boiling, it would petrify any non-Qiqirn in a matter of seconds.

“We demand your firrrrst child as sacrifice, Qiqirn! Refuse, and we shall wipe you rodents from all of Urghum!”, hissed Medusa as she prepared her bow.

Wawaroon had no choice but to acquiesce. And so, Wawaroon’s first son, Kukuroon (named after her favorite cooking ingredient, the Kazham Kukuru Bean), was left to the mists of Arrapago and to the mercy of the Lamiae.

The morning of the banquet, Wawaroon put on her best Nashira Manteel+1, made of the finest Wamoura Silk and Karakul Cloth. Reciting the names of her favorite curry ingredients, she poured a generous helping of each into her favorite Khroma ore Curry Vat.

“Cashoo, Coriandoor, Cinnamoonz, Cloove, Gingeer, Cyooomin, Peepeer, Mooostoord, Oignoooon, and Moostard!”

For hours, she sat over the pot, sniffing and waiting while adding the other hundred ingredients from the legendary Qiqirn curry recipe handed down by the best chefs of Nashmau. And for good measure, she added the freshest Karakul milk sent from Nashmau. Today was the day Dodoroon would propose protections for the Qiqirn Karakul trade to the Imperial Finance Minister, Alfazhid, and she was determined not to spare any expense to win him over, lest she disappoint her fellow Qiqirn. With the Oooltimate Legendoory Qiqirn Naga Curry, she could not lose…or, so she thought.

Minister Alfazhid arrived at 12th hour of Lightsday, along with his entourage of accounting Tarutarus. All dressed in the famed Yigit robes reserved for top-tier bureaucrats, they were a formidable sight.

“Welcooome to Imperial House of Curry, at appointment of Emperess Taajhmura the foorst! We are sooo honored to serve you, Ministoor Alfazhid! Everyone hungry, yoosh?”. Wawaroon, despite having dealt with royalty before, couldn’t help trembling a little bit. Laying out the finest silverware entrusted to her by Luluroon (who had gone back to Nashmau for the month), Wawaroon ushered each guest to their seat, enchanting them with elegant descriptions of the banquet she had prepared. “Tooday, my loords, we will serve Ooltimate Legendooory Qiqirn Koorry, the sooper-dooper Curry Al’Naga! I hoope you enjoy, yoosh?”

Minister Alfazhid, although no stranger to the finest banquet foods of the empire, was in complete awe. Wawaroon had indeed proved the Imperial House of Curry’s right to the empress’s patronage. Shining like autumn gold, the Curry Al’Naga enchanted even the pickiest Tarutarus.

“Ooh! I just hatedy-watedy the last time I had snake meat, but..I just can’t resistaru this time! Minister Alfazhid, may we?”, asked one of the accountant Tarutarus. The little pools of drool on the sides of their lips indicated how entranced they were by the aroma of the dish.

At the nod of the minister, they cast a small Barpoisonra as a small protection against snake poison…

and a little Barwatera in case of any bad “accidents” after the meal.

They should have cast Barpetra. As they were about to express their utter delight to Chef Wawaroon, each guest turned to stone, mouths wide open. Wawaroon was in utter shock; having tasted her Oolimate Legendary Curry several times before serving, she had no idea what had happened.

“How can haappen!?” screamed Wawaroon, dancing in a circle of panic.

Luckily, one of the accountant Tarutarus was a Red Mage with a Flawless Ribbon.

“I’ll go get a Summonertaru!”, he shouted.

An hour later, after everyone was saved by the quick application of Leviathan’s Spring Water, Wawaroon was in tears, apologizing to a more than displeased Minister Alfazhid.

“Is is that you Qiqirn despise the Empire’s prosperity so much as to attempt such wicked treachery?”, he yelled as he blasted Dodoroon and Wawaroon with an Azure Lore Magic Hammer. In disgrace, Dodoroon, Luluroon and Wawaroon lost the appointment of the empress, and the once loved Imperial House of Curry was forced to close.

Once upon a time, there lived a curious Qiqirn who wanted to take over the world. Just kidding….! That was a certain Tarutaru. …

In the remote village of Nashmau, there lived a dashing Karakul merchant, Dodoroon, and his clever wife, Wawaroon. Wawaroon, the granddaughter of Nashmau’s culinary genius extraordinaire Luluroon (who, in Nashmau’s better days, ran the acclaimed “Imperial House of Curry”), was well known throughout the village for both her beautiful sapphire eyes and her cooking skill. It was even rumored that she had a very rare Hocho imported from the Far East, giving her the ability to make the most beautiful and skillful of cuts. (Cooking skill +3 ftw)

It is a well known fact throughout Urghuum that before the reign of House Jalzahn, the best Imperial Chefs were Qiqirn. With their sharp eyes for quality ingredients and noses that outperform even the empire’s most advanced chimera, the Qiqirn race has long had a strong affinity to the culinary realm. The heir to Luluroon’s legacy, Wawaroon was especially blessed. Her eyes, famed throughout Nashmau for their similarity to Stars of India, were especially sharp even for a Qiqirn. It is even said that they sparkled when she saw a top-quality ingredient that tickled her interest.

In her youth, Wawaroon worked alongside her mother at The Imperial House of Curry, which was located beneath the Kokohba Hostel. Popular amongst foreign travelers, Salaheem’s Sentinels, and even exotic Mithra courtesans (who used the Hostel to provide their…services ._.), the Imperial House of Curry thrived for years under its Qiqirn ownership. Wise with money, Wawaroon was especially good at using leftover ingredients and turning them into fabulous delights for even the most demanding palate. This exceptional talent, however, would be the seed of not only her own downfall, but that of the entire Qiqirn culinary world.

One day, while wandering the streets of Al Zahbi after a particularly devastating Besieged, Wawaroon came across a piece of particularly delectable snake meat. A deep azure, it was adorned with beautiful jewels not unlike those from the Palace Treasury. One of the more rare animals in all of Vana’diel, Snakes in particular were a favorite of Qiqirn chefs. Though initially tough when raw, after hours of boiling, the meat of Snakes was the legendary ingredient of the most secret Qiqirn recipes.

“Shoorly, this sign of good luck!”, she thought. Unable to resist the temptation, Wawaroon skipped back home with said meat in hand, bags of clinkclink jangling all the way.

That night, to detoxify the meat, Wawaroon began boiling the meat on a low fire, deciding to unveil her “Qiqirn Oolltiimate Legendoory Curry” at the next morning’s luncheon for the Empire’s most important Ministers…